eLmEr, NobLe and gReaT

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT’S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH..

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL

BECAUSE   IT MEANS I HAVE
FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!

From my friend, magna cum laude of Saint Louis University, Ms. Nikki Dongalen, she’s now associated with the Commission on Audit in Mt. Province, Philippines.

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Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand.
 
He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”
 
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
 
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?” She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”
 
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”

* You are happy *
* when you see a flower and are thankful for the blessings.. *

* You are loving.. *
* when your own pain does not blind you to the pain of others *

* You are alive *
* when tomorrow’s hope means more to you than yesterday’s mistakes *

* You are growing *
* when you know what you are but not what you will become. *

* You are wise *
* when you know the limits of your wisdom *

* You are true *
* when ypu admit there are times you fool yourself *

* You are free *
* when you are in control of yourself and do not wish to control others *

* You are honourable *
* when you find your honour is to honour others *

* you are generous *
* when you can take as sweetly as you can give,*

* You are humble *
*when you do not know how humble you are*

* You are thoughtful *
* when you see me just as I am and treat me just as you are *

* You are merciful *
* when you forgive in others the faults you condemn yourself *

* You are beautiful *
* when you don’t need a mirror to tell you*

* You are rich *
* when you never need more than what you have*

*You are you *
* when you are at peace with who you are not *

Here is a website for all roman catholics. Roman Catholicism - the largest christian denomination (and of any religion) with more than 1 billion adherents (a quarter of the world’s population). 

http://www.catholic.org/index.php

This made me laugh though I don’t know the three Indian politicians. According to my Indian friend, Mahendran (or Mahe) they are well known personalities in India. There was no title to the story so I called it “Passing The Test”. The moral of the story is interesting.

==============================================

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav (All Are Politicians in India)  were traveling in an Car. They met with an accident and all three of them died.

Yama Raja (The King of Death) was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.

He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.

But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
 
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc.

Then why the differential treatment?

He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions.

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.

PVNR is asked to spell ” INDIA ” and he does it correctly.

Advani is asked to spell ” ENGLAND ” and he too passes.

It is Laloo’s turn and he is asked to spell ” CZECHOSLOVAKIA “.

Laloo protests that he doesn’t know English.

He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent.

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three).

PVNR is asked to write “KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW”. He writes it easily and passes.

Advani is asked to write “BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN”. He too passes.

Laloo is asked to write “BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR…..”

Tough one. He fails again.

Laloo is extremely unhappy.

Having been a student of history (which the other two weren’t),he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history

Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests.

PVNR is asked: “When did India get Independence ?”. He replied “1947″ and passed.

Advani is asked “How many people died during the independence struggle?”.

He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000. Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.

It’s Laloo’s turn now.
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Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the struggle.

Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE…

Here is one great site for those who wants to know more about the oldest existing religion in the world, HINDUISM. Does anybody have a link to other world religions such as ISLAM, JUDAISM, BUDDHISM, TAOISM, SHINTOISM, would you be so kind to send to me the links? A million thanks..

http://www.bhagavad-gita.org/

We each take different roads (religions) all have one purpose in life - TO BE UNITED TO THE ONE AND ABSOLUTE - GOD. All promise eternal life and a place called heaven.

God bless to all in our searchings.

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.

As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.

They talked about so many things and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: “I don’t believe that God exists.”

“Why do you say that?” asked the customer.
 
“Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn’t exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can’t imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things.”

The customer thought for a moment, but didn’t respond because he didn’t want to start an argument.

The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard.

He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:

“You know what? Barbers do not exist.”

“How can you say that?” asked the surprised barber.

“I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!”

“No!” the customer exclaimed. “Barbers don’t exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.”

“Ah, but barbers DO exist! That’s what happens when people do not come to me.”

“Exactly!” affirmed the customer. “That’s the point! God, too, DOES exist! That’s what happens when people do not go to Him and don’t look to Him for help. That’s why there’s so much pain and suffering in the world.”

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English should be “europe-anise” as majority of speakers in europe were not english speakers.
 
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English” . This would bring it closer to German.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible!

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl!

DEAR FATHER IN HEAVEN,

I want to thank You for what you have already done.

I am not going to wait until I see results or receive rewards; I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until I feel better or things look better; I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until people say they are sorry or until they stop talking about me; I am thanking you right now..

I am not going to wait until the pain in my body disappears ; I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until my financial situation improves; I am going to thank you right now.

I am not going to wait until the children are asleep and the house is quiet; I am going to thank you right now.

I am not going to wait until I get promoted at work or until I get the job; I am going to thank you right now.

I am not going to wait until I understand every experience in my life that has caused me pain or grief; I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until the journey gets easier or the challenges are removed; I am thanking you right now.

I am thanking you because I am alive.

I am thanking you because I made it through the day’s difficulties.

I am thanking you because I have walked around the obstacles.

I am thanking you because I have the ability and the opportunity to do more and do better.  

I’m thanking you because FATHER, YOU haven’t given up on me. AMEN